Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize