You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
