he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
