i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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