Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
