Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
