Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
