i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
