Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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