just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
