How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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