I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
