The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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