Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize