The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
