i barfeds in our rink
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
