I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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