Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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