I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize