You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
