Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
