he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
