i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
