U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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