you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
