your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
