its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
