Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
