Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
