I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
