tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So much rum. So many feels.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
