My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
