speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
