i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
