If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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