yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
