Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize