I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
