My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
