ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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