I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
