your room smells of hookers.
And success
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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