Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
