I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize