I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
