I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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