She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
