I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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