She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
