Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
