She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We got so high we made milksteak
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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