Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
