You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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