I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
