It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You need Xanax blowdarts
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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