he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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