I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
