So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
