We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
