It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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