i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
