Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
