i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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