Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
