just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
