Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
