Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
