Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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